This morning I got to spend time with superman while Megan had a checkup and it was great. We cleaned most of the whole house (Superman loves to swiffer, which is awesome) so that Mom had a nice surprise when she got home and then Dad played with Superman and some RC cars (see the brag blog for some fun video). He doesn't quite get the whole connection between the controllers and the cars, but he's close. I also spent some time this morning reading the Book of Mormon and The New Testament.
I read about not being provoked easily in Moroni 7:45 which prompted me to read similar words on charity and faith in the New Testament's 1 Cor 13. My anger has always been something that I have struggled with. Those of you who have known me for a while probably know this better than anyone. I feel like I've come a long way from the angry little boy in elementary school but some times I'm reminded that I haven't come far enough yet. As I lead my little family into the unknown it is easy to get angry with in-sensitivities, perceived, intended, unintended or otherwise and it is important to remember that the people I interact with are not facing the problems my family is facing and since they don't know them, they can't show appropriate "respect" or concern.
I've also been thinking a lot about what my personal identity is made out of. Am I a father, husband, son, friend, brother, employee, church member, or student? How do all these roles mix and mingle into me, Ross. Do I worry too much about being a friend? a student? In what roles am I deriving the greatest satisfaction? I went back and read through some of my Journal entries from when I was just about 19 and found a snippet that made me both smile and helped me feel the spirit because I found myself thinking similar thoughts as I jotted down notes in my journal this morning.
"I don't think I'll ever know all the why's in the world so I don't know what I'm getting to... I just wanted to write something down but that is impossible because how could I ever write enough about me that anyone could say they knew me after I'm dead? My purpose, legacy is not to be quoted, or even remembered in the history books, my legacy will be the strong people I raise in my future family."
2 comments:
I get like that a lot - that moment where you realize that you are not nearly as far along as you thought you were - especially in terms of temper. I always feel like I just took a step back when I do "lose it," even a little b it.
Here is what I figure - sometimes others know us better than we do, at least in some respects, and no matter what the big man upstairs knows us. So that's good.
Great post
I think dealing with our imperfect responses is a lifetime process. I am learning that as I accept myself for who I really am I feel less threatened by the world. I pray for peace and also have found that meditation, accepting others differences and understanding the true meaning of the 'love of Christ' has helped me with my negative feelings. Keep going Ross. You are an amazing man, father and child of God!
MOM
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